Match Report – Wrecclesham Away

There were a large number of boat and pleasure craft builders in the early years of the planet and it’s from that tribe we take inspiration for a saying we still use today. No Can Do. We’ve all heard it, some of us have probably said it but we’re using it in the wrong context. Back in biblical times, the threat of a flood was significant and on many occasions, old Godders threatened more than once to flood the bastard if we didn’t get our shit together as a human race.

Well, like any tried and trusted parental technique he offered the options of building boats to save ourselves but everyone he asked said the same thing. ‘Thing is I’m a bit busy chief‘. ‘It’ll cost you‘. ‘Nah, I’ve got too much on‘….until he came across a small start-up company just outside Galilee, ‘Noah’s FloatyBoats’.

The tag line under the billboard was startling in it’s simplicity, ‘If they won’t build it, Noah Can Do‘. It stuck and for years if you wanted something done, Noah Can Do was the answer. Somewhere along the line we lost sight of the reasoning.

And for another week running I hear you shout from the back, how is that relevant, what are you talking about? Hold fire young readers and I will elaborate.

Sunday saw Fleet Sociadads travel away to Wrecclesham, a side we’d last faced in a friendly in torrential rain and beaten with 2 last minute goals. This week rolled around for the league match and the rain was biblical. With Martin ‘Skipper’ King taking the role of Noah and shipping a bunch of animals to the site in his AudiArk we rolled up ready to repeat the feat. After embracing the downpour and getting warmed up, the referee didn’t turn up. We all got cold, the oppo went inside for a bit and eventually the ref turned up without a whistle to kick off a game with 11 Fleet players shivering, wet and now suitably warmed down.

Our trademark fast start in evidence as we missed three headers, conceded a corner and they kicked it in direct. 5 minutes. 1-0. It stayed that way for about 30 minutes until a bouncing ball in the box led to their striker collapsing like a smoker’s lung under a challenge from Dyson, penalty. 2-0. No booking and the general consensus being that he’d missed an earlier valid penalty shout and was making amends. The second half saw us slowly turn the pressure up as we got desperate to get something and eventually our man-barge turned in the box after a great performance and nudged home, like a dark haired more fullsome Ole Gunnar Soljskaer.

We should have won, but Noah Can Do wasn’t with us that day.

We’ve instigated a new way of getting monkey and MoM nominations in but bluntly it’s still my shout. Let me give you a couple of examples of the missives I’ve received;

‘Moment of the Match’ – Aaron Othink Dow Lateris half + Pooter.
‘Monkey’ – Airshot Me Lambo 3ft Out

Now I can apply poetic license to that but I’ve got better things to do, so next game if you could write with your hands rather than your feet and potato prints that would be great.

Nominations for Spavo for saying he’ll come, then he’ll get drunk, then he’s sober, then he’s driving, then not showing. I get two nominations, one for heading the ball and one just because (Scoot), both void.

Andy Whiting played a beautiful 1-2 with Ethers, hitting the return ball from left back, 20 ft into the air and onto the penalty spot. Aaron gets a nod for a king-shin, controlling the ball into touch. This weeks winner, Glyn with feet so magic he turned the oppo inside out by kicking his own standing leg, falling over and using his momentum to spin into a 80’s breakdance helicopter tackle that missed by 5ft. Ethers gets an honorable mention for laughing at someone falling over and getting abuse for his troubles.

Nominations for Spavo(?), Aaron, Lambo but the clear and away winner, Glyn. New to

the team, apparently relatively new to walking upright and still getting used to not letting his kids use his phone with access to the whatsapp group. Well played Mr Bromige, hopefully the first of many doubles, Monkey and MoM.

Final Score

Wrecclesham 2 – 1 Fleet Sociadads (Lambo 80)