Whilst these reports may appear to be finely crafted literary goldmines the reality is they are, on occasion, the general outpouring of an overactive and under utilised old mans brain. It’s true that I endeavour to educate and entertain but the tales of football overlaid with historical fact are sometimes harder to squeeze out than a recalcitrant otter the morning after a night on the Guiness.
This week we talk Civil War. You’d think I’d find some challenge in mapping the confederates and the other ones into a tale of footballing splendour but our very own ‘jacket with elbow pads history buff’ the Earl of Grey, Etherington Smith filled in the whys and wherefours in the pub as a starting point. Once I’d propped my eyes back open and peeled myself away from the carpet I refocused and realised I’d not been specific enough in my journalistic enquiries. So, back to Civil War, the Avengers one, not the infighting American one, and there may be some spoilers here.
Like a true comic book story we kicked off in miserable weather, the dark forces gathering and an impending storm. We immediately faced pressure as we worked out our best way to nullify a team that were clearly from a league above. Like any true comic book story we combined our forces to create a chance for Mighty Mouse Matt up front. I appreciate that Mighty Mouse wasn’t one of the Avengers, but in my opinion he should have been, along with Pepe Le Pew. Sucker punch one, the evil empire loses a small battle and we go 1 goal up. 0-1.
They rallied, summoning forces from the heavens to make it really quite nippy. In the chill we began to flag, they robbed us of the power of age which we’ve been cultivating and we began to lag. Some pretty decent interplay saw them break through the defence (for the first time) and slotting past Paul ‘Shof’ Knights (Safe Hands Odd Feet) to pull a goal back. 1-1.
No sooner had we found our feet, they scored again. 2-1. Was this to be the end of the upbeat and plucky new boys to the division?
In the movies half the superheroes died when old grumpy bollocks Thanos pressed something on his ring. Cue our gaffer Thanos (played in our version by Martin). With his ring out of control our champion had a moment this week was very much like he had Thanos’ boots on. The highlight being a standing foot scuff lbw that we’ve all done at one point or another with the exception of Ethers who hasn’t decided which is his standing foot yet.
In the last dying embers of the finale fight, we rose up. We stood tall. We looked at our injured players, our stand in keeper, centerback who goes without the formalities of a name standing on the sidelines with a tight hamstring. Mighty Mouse’s brother Chubby Grouse coming back from a long lay off and finding his form if not his fitness. Joel, hamstring, Paul, hamstrung, Glyn, ham smelling. We couldn’t go down like this.
Boom! Ivor the Engine (another much missed Avenger) puffed back and forward and did the running in midfield. Our Welsh Scouse Manc really getting stuck in and helping to turn the tide to get us back in. A lovely goal I think. I was busy having a chat with their striker about turn of the century art and the impact of the renaissance. 2-2.
The dark forces waver, we see an opportunity, we push, we weave, we jump tackles. I say we, I mean Matt McMighty. He scampers around, turns and curls an absolute pearler into the top corner.
Keeper rooted to the spot (Martin takes an assist, he’d given the keeper one of his looks earlier on to freeze him in place. 2-3. The ‘Dads’ go stumbling on.
Man of the Match
A few nominations this week and as usual it went down to the wire. Knights coming a very close second (1 vote in it). Both full backs getting a nod (I’m not sure who people thought was covering for them whilst they ambled around but the center-back union may be started up again). MightyMouse McMini Matt takes the MoM this week!
Dyson and Johnno featuring as a double act and both going for, shouting and ignoring the ball for a clearance. Wasn’t a threat, let’s be honest, we had it covered.
Knights gets a nod for managing to take a goal kick, out of hand to the left back and barely making it out the box. Yes Paul, it was ‘really’ windy.
Steve gets a couple of small nods for playing Mr Freeze after a tackle and deciding he’d had enough for approximately 10 seconds. Second self nomination for a bad pass then showing off and blocking it with a shoulder blade. Self nominations void it however, leaving us with last weeks MoM. What we give with one hand we take away with the other. Take a bow Martin, the LBW was a joy to behold whilst Pete and I watched with a cheery happiness that can only be explained by knowing we and everyone else on the team was off the hook for monkey for the week.
And final thoughts, a massive nod to the home team, sandwiches and a great bunch to play against, we should have some good matches with them this season. Good performances all round and whilst I may focus on the banalities, we have the strongest most unified team we’ve had in ages, we can march on and build something this season. It’s ours for the taking!