I’ve not written a match report for a while. I’ve not played for a while…see any other post in this blog if you want the detail but after watching the vets stumble to an 11-1 defeat last week I’ll say I wasn’t relishing a run out this week.

Yateley away is usually a pretty good matchup and this week was no exception. With the return of the smoldering central defender and the debonair duke making his return from a broken arm could it be a successful trip for the ageing lotharios?

The match can be summarised using the history of disco music. Disco can be seen as a reaction against rock music in the same way the vets brand of football is a reaction against free flowing and exciting football seen in the premiership.

Allied to that disco was popular with both men and women, from many different backgrounds in the same way the vets draw players of all shapes and sizes with a common desire to exhibit flailing arms and jelly legs to the beat of a slightly deflated leather ball.

In most disco tracks, string, brass, piano and rhythm guitar create a lush background sound, in our case Yateley Green provided a lush claggy swamp in which to perform.


The pre match nerves caused some pitch flooding


Super-Coote started the dance off, buzzing the pitch like he’d just necked 3 bottles of Hooch and was dropping the running man to Donna Summer, he took a bow, stretching to his full 4’11” frame to head home. 0-1.

Yours truly was busy discussing his killer moves with Double-J when they launched in a freekick. I popped out a ‘cha-cha-slide’ whilst Jonno dabbed and they headed home. 1-1 Once we’d cleared up the finer points of dancing on the upbeat and ignoring the barbs and arrows from the rest of the team, the defence was rock solid. Solid to the point where we started to let them pump balls over the top just so we could stretch our legs.

At the other end of the pitch we had a few chances, Skipper King through 1 on 1 with more time than Marty McFly. Composed, he channeled Erasure, tried to discover a little something and flayed it wide.

A trumpet fanfare signaled the moment of glory for Disco Duke to enter the fray at 50 minutes. After running onto a lose ball he looked up, shouted ‘Lambo Inferno’ and kicked the floor, shinning the ball off the pitch.

His match sharpness returned and he scrambled home a loose ball in the box to make it 1-2. We saw out the remaining 20 minutes with consummate ease to beat the 2nd in the league.

Wrap Up and Awards

A few honorable mentions for monkey and Man of the Match nominations with Scoot barreling across the pitch to execute a flying scissor kick, launching the ball 3m across and 35m high. Chris putting in a performance down the right side put to shame by bringing a mate along to keep nets and take some glory with a solid performance. Phil, rock solid as always, his legs defying their age and covering the ground in a blur of liniment and bath salts.

Monkey goes to Rix for a stunning first touch.

Man of the Match to Matt Coote with a fairly unanimous decision.

Final Score

Yateley 1 – 2 Fleet Spurs Vets


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