The weekly joy of watching a team with an average age of 50 play every week against younger, angrier and fitter players in a ‘non Veterans’ league never fails to provide inspiration. This weeks win in adverse conditions showed we still have it!

This year has seen the league collapsed from 3 divisions to 2, with the third tier teams being rolled into the division above. Adding insult to injury, any team that is near the Vets in the table seems to end up folding or not paying their subs, so we remain poorly represented propping up the table.

Wey Valley, the team below us have had a bad season. A cup match drawn at home was a chance for redemption of some pride for them, and an opportunity for us to stamp our authority on the only team near us that we’ve managed to beat a few times.

Counting, it’s quite difficult

Coming into Friday night we had our usual scratch side of 11. Dysandro recovering from a bit of a cold, returning to the side with the lungs of an asthmatic chaffinch and the haircut of a less stylish, but slightly more tolerant Donald Trump. Scoot returned to the side after a prolonged absence, firing his lungs up with a pre-match fag. Reg, 50/50 for availability answering the call and bolstering the numbers. All in on Saturday morning we ended up with 15. It reminds me of the days when our previous gaffer, Steve ‘the Window’ Matthews, was in charge of counting.

Spavo throws the ball back

The pitch, whilst boggy was actually playable and with a decent ref the game ebbed and flowed nicely, which is more than can be said of the gale force wind that howled persistently throughout. On the positive side it drowned out Spavo’s ramblings from the touchline.

The old and tired Vets having the better of the game with some spells of passing and creating a number of half chances and scrambles around their area. The pressure higher up the field did seem to ease the pressure on our back four, but as usual we had a few little scares.




Tiki Taka Toe Punt

1-0 came from some good work down the left, some bundling  around and a keeper spilling the ball twice before the Marmaduke of the Mud Pitch, Etherington Smith (IV) got a toe on it to nudge it over. They clawed one back after Scoot was heartily shoved over. The Vet’s staged a Liverpool like walk out and let them stroll on to slot home. 1-1.

The second half was a different matter, I’ll piece together the facts as best I can, but this reporter had walked off by that point to watch the rugby and rub deep heat into the skippers gusset in the changing room. I should add he wasn’t in the changing room and ‘rub’ makes it sound like I got stuck into his pants with the gay abandon of a tory politician on expenses day. I squirted it in then left. The deep heat that is.

royBack on the pitch our diminutive striker, Roy ‘Stampy Short Pants’ Allaway took a freekick from just inside the oppo’s half. Depending on the accounts he either clipped it majestically onto the crossbar, down into the net, talking a slight skim off the keeper, or he swung his little feet at it, it got caught in what was a gale force wind and blew over the keeper, off the cross bar, back off the keepers back an in. He was aiming for the corner flag. Own Goal. 2-1. Here’s a picture of Roy next to Phil.

The Vets very own Regal Ronaldo finished the game off with a mazy run and slotted home for the 3-1 clincher. We can take some pride that this gives us no league points so whilst we’re ok in the cup, we look shit in the league.

Good performances and effort all around. We play like a slow, less talented Leicester. A welcome return for ‘ski-fit’ Colin, John C putting in a shift and Peter B going for a cheeky chip which would have been lovely if he’d had the power in his legs to keep up with the thoughts in his head.

Man of the Match 

Without checking the vote has to go to Scoot. Tireless in midfield, tackling everything and everyone, including himself and the floor a few times Only really tired 5 minutes before half time when the nicotine withdrawal kicked in. A quick top up and he was off again. John John John John John John John John , Ethers, Taw, Bowers and Leather getting honorary mentions.


Paul ‘Good’ Knights
Pete ‘Cheeky Chipper’ Bowers
Reg ‘P’leather
Phil ‘Cocka’ Taw
John ‘John’ John
Nick ‘Shuttlecock’ Fleuty
Martin ‘Hotballs’ King
James ‘B&H’ Coote
‘The Very Reverend’ Richard Etherington-Smith IV
Roy ‘Incy Wincy’ Allaway
Mark ‘Tipsy ‘ Lambert
John ‘La La’ Clark
James ‘Po’ Dyson
Colin ‘Tele-not so tubby’ Vickery
Dave ‘Simply Red’ Jeffs


In a rare happy moment