Yateley B (1) vs Fleet Spurs Vets (0)

It’s a testament to the performance that it’s remarkably difficult to pass my usual scorn and derision upon our performance. Yateley came into the match with a 5-0 victory to their credit, we appraoached with a 5-0 defeat. Two very different starts to the season but hopefully we’d learnt a few lessons from the Bagshot game. We changed formation to a 442 in an effort to push higher up the pitch and prevent the rear guard action that we seem to aspire to.

The game was pretty open with both sides stringing passes together across the middle and creating opportunities around the edge of the box. We managed to limit the threats to speculative crosses from deep that caused very little issue for the Leather/Burkey combo at the back.

Having the second outlet up front with the well traveled young Rastall pairing Royal Rix made a change of dynamic in our attacking, enabling us to pressure the back four giving the opposition less time to spread play and causing them more mistakes.

Some entertainment was provided by Pete’s now standard foul throw. It’s become such a staple component that nobody even registers it any more let alone berates or laughs. To raise his profile he put in a beautiful challenge in the box to rob their forward only to poke it toward the net. Our net.  How Paul got his hands to it I don’t know, but he tipped it wide and saved the blushes all round.

The deadlock was broken midway through the half from a corner. It sailed through and they managed to get a downward header on it. So downward it hit the ground and then looped over the keeper and the centerback on the line dropping agonisingly into the net. 1-0 and thoroughly not really deserved.

The second half saw us threaten much more, with the crossbar and some goal mouth scrambles saving the day for Yateley. Burkey off wandering around on his usual foray up front causing havoc, Dan creating chances down the left and other passages of play saw Reg blaze forward down the left wing before realising he couldn’t really be bothered and passing it to the opposition.

Reg featured in another little interchange before sweeping a glorious ball over the crouching Dysandro out to the wing. Unfortunately the pass was all in his head and his feet refused to cooperate so he drilled it straight into the toned glutes of the blonde bombsite, who remained crouching as a cover to get his breath back.

We really have managed to get ourselves into a losing habit, but taking heart from the first two games, we’ve performed well and we now need a bit of luck and I think we’ll put a a run together.

Monkeys are tough to pull out this week. Nominations for Pete and his throws, but we’re up to octo-jeopardy at this point. Dyson for suggesting that he’d “Take one” on behalf of the team and refusing to sub anyone off whilst they were playing well.

Richard’s inspiring team talk and set up pushed him up for a second week win. Being left to announce the team he confidently told us who was centerback, then pointing at the team in general stated “the team pretty much picks itself”. An interesting dilemma for the 6 midfielders, 3 strikers and the fella walking his dog to unpick.


This weeks deserved winner is the skipper, Martin. Whilst an injury is no laughing matter and what looks to be a tweaked hamstring is not good news for the squad. The nature of it is. As the ball sailed over his head he executed what could be described as a single leg scorpion kick. He looked up, smiled and then managed to not swear as he limped off.


Mark ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ Holgate
James ‘Das Boot’ Dyson
David ‘Benjamin Button’ Jeffs
Pete ’40 Year old virgin’ Bowers
Matt ‘Lone Ranger’ Burke
Nick ‘The 39 Steps’ Fagan
Mark ‘Big’ Lambert
Ollie ‘Dambusters’ Rastall
Martin ‘The Black Swan’ King
Dan ‘Towering Inferno’ Fleuty
Paul ‘Cool Hand Luke’ Knight
Colin ‘Shallow Hal’ Vickery
Richard ‘The King and I’ Etherington-Smith
Reg ‘Cocoon’ Leather